JackM

Amen ......

....... Where do the " Punters" turn to now for the latest info about trials form and trainers thoughts .... Maybe The Bible !!

An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his stock in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Bryony suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Billy looks at the young man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The yuppie then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ..... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spread sheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to Billy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, you'll be helpin' yourself to one of me animals, then, since you won it fair and square." says Billy. He watches the smartly dressed yuppie select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man gingerly picks it up & stuffs it into the boot of his car. As the yuppie is carefully brushing the dust & hair off his suit, Billy says, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what work you do & where you come from, will you give me back my calf?" The yuppie thinks about it for a second, wondering what this wrinkled up dirt encrusted uneducated old man could possibly know? He grins and then says, "Okay, old fella, why not? I'm a believer in fair play." "You're a politician & you work in Canberra." says the old timer. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but, tell me how on earth did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered Billy "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollar’s worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog." AND THAT FOLKS IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.

7.15 Dormant accounts If a Betting Account has not been operated for a period of one year, the Board may deem the account to be dormant and at its discretion retain the amount standing to the credit of the account or remit such amount to the Account Holder less a reasonable administration fee.

The Future Of Betting Has Arrived ! : We`re Boosting Your Game

Meri Kirihimete to all and are safe holiday to all....

https://www.odt.co.nz/sport/racing/funds-boost-safety-race-tracks-south Wednesday, 12 December 2018 Funds boost safety of race tracks in Winston Peters. Photo: Getty Images Safety at Southern racetracks has been boosted by funding from central government. Racing Minister Winston Peters has given more than $600,000 in grants from the Racing Safety Development Fund to 25 projects to improve safety at race courses around the country. The grants are made available from the development fund which provides $1 million annually for racecourse safety in two funding rounds. This year's first funding round has supported a range of infrastructure projects including track maintenance equipment, irrigation system installation, replacement running rails and track lighting upgrades. The Ascot Park consortium in Invercargill was granted $24,693 for infrastructure at the track. Forbury Park was allocated $7786 for lighting. Lighting would be improved in the stabling area and the prerace area to help trainers and stewards. The work has started and should be finished by Christmas. The Otago Racing Club was granted a total of $19,572 for track drainage and a horse float entry gate. Maintenance was needed on a section of the track and the gate was made safer. It is weighted and opens when a horse float moved nearby. The next funding round opens for applications on February 14 and closes on March 31 next year.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/racing/news/article.cfm?c_id=53&objectid=12164810 Read bottom paragraph :

What`s the reason .....Unsafe track?

(Lady) ... What straw , There`s no straw here?

...He may have had only one foot in the stirrups , if you look closer ... Balancing act over the finish line.

... If you wish to increase participation in All Codes of racing , It seems logical! Yes!

.... Immigration was deemed as National Party`s new strategy for registering likely voter`s and financial supporters to their party!

I think Jimmy overplayed it with the woman .... I don`t think he could reach the handle bars!

..... Have you heard of the " 3 Seconds Rule " : .... If you drop any food on the ground , you have 3 seconds to pick it up and still eat it .... Aaron`s reactions were well under 3 seconds!!

..... Always skeptical of ' The TAB ' track conditions indicators .

NZ TAB going with Soft 7 ... Oz site`s had Heavy 8 since Friday ... Questionable how NZ TAB forecast their track conditions ... ... Hats off though , Some brilliant racing!

... Anyone notice the change in track conditions Re: Soft in race 1 then Heavy in race 2 ...Is someone pulling our leg!! Stake: $109,000 Track: SOFT Weather: OVERCAST # Name Jockey/Driver/Trainer Win Place 2 Savanna Amour Ben Melham 5.40 1.90 13 Missile Coda Brenton Avdulla 2.20 11 Sony Legend Larry Cassidy 3.40 Bet Type Runners Dividend Quinella 2, 13 9.80 Trifecta 2:13:11 298.90 First4 2:13:11:6 1698.80 Jackpot: ALSO RAN: 6-Too Good to Refuse-Jim Byrne. Note: Numbers shown are the distance from winner in lengths. Owners: Ontrack Thoroughbreds No 1 (G Morgan), D Bates, L Blades, FRF Racing, Haimes Racing, R Harvey, R Hill, P Kitching, D Knobel, P LeonaTrainer: Chris MeagherBreeding: Love Conquers All-Savanna La Mar (NZ) (by Stravinsky (USA)) Scratched: 5-Gracida, 7-Havasay, 8-Notonyourlife, 15-Ziggy Willie. SUB: 13 Missile Coda Race 2 - 14:20 - RADIOTAB THE WAYNE WILSON 3YO+ SWP LISTED (Doomben R2) 1600 m Results home Stake: $109,000 Track: HEAVY Weather: OVERCAST # Name Jockey/Driver/Trainer Win Place 2 Hopfgarten Jake Bayliss 21.10 4.10 3 Ulmann Damian Lane 1.60 13 Divine Unicorn Brenton Avdulla 5.60 Bet Type Runners Dividend Quinella 2, 3 33.60 Trifecta 2:3:13 1509.30 First4 2:3:13:9 18215.80

....Congrats to connections . Are dominate win!

A Kiwi man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an Aussie tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Kiwi politely ignored the Australian, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The Aussie snapped his gum and said, 'You Kiwi folk eat the whole bread?' The Kiwi frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The Aussie blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In Aussie, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them transform them into croissants and sell them to Kiwi's The Aussie had a smirk on his face. The Kiwi listened in silence. The Aussie persisted, Do you eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Kiwi replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Aussie said, 'we don't. In Aussie, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, and then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to New Zealand The Kiwi then asked, 'Do you have sex in Aussie?' The Aussie smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Kiwi leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?' 'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Kiwi's turn to smile. 'We don't. In New Zealand, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Australia. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?

"one clear day rule" .... Is this the achilles heal for some?

There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, When suddenly the Irishman cried out "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!" The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman calls out, "Hey! you!!! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus" he says. The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks. The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me Sir but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, this the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men. Then the Kiwi calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Kiwi is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a Lion Red for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure. Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!" Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. "By jove", he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!" Jesus then approaches the Kiwi, who has a terrified look on his face. The Kiwi whispers. "Back off mate, I'm on ACC!"

...Straight from the ' Horse`s Mouth ' ...

... So we`ll be listening to Oz commentator`s for our rugby broadcast ...Sheesh " puit anoother Schrimpe on da barrbee " ..

R.I.P Champ.... Death of champion sire